Tag Archives: judgement

Deciding Without Judging

Recently, I’ve had a falling out with a member of my family of origin, the result being that we are no longer in contact with each other. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions about this and I have reached a place where now I want to just be okay with it. It’s been very challenging to get my mind around this. I’ve found it very difficult to let go of my expectations of how families should be with each other… At this point I found it helpful for me to run through an exercise. This was to think about how it was possible to understand how my relative could reasonably arrive at their position. Without giving you the details I was able to figure out how this position was a “reasonable decision” given temperament and experience, just as my position is “reasonable” for me given my temperament and subjective experience. My sense of this may or may not be accurate, but it helped me to develop compassion for my relative, who was making choices I don’t prefer but that were gradually becoming ones I can live with. Finally, I’d like to share some insights I realized through this process that you might find useful…

Two Coaching Mistakes

The other day I was talking with an acquaintance about something I was struggling with. He seemed to be understanding and began to offer advice about how I should handle my situation. As he was talking, I began to notice that I was feeling annoyed and like I wanted to get out of there. I suspect that many of you have had similar experience of receiving advice…

Why I Care About Charlie Sheen

Why do we pay so much attention when celebrities self-destruct in public? … Maybe we need others to fail so that we can feel good about ourselves. Maybe we’re jealous of his success and feel good to see him knocked down. …Perhaps, it’s just shadenfreude, getting pleasure from the misfortune of others. Even when I find my attention drawn to a drama like Charlie Sheen’s I don’t spend a lot of time there. My choice when I notice that my less enlightened aspects have reared their ugly heads is to use it as an opportunity to practice compassion and learn something about myself…the other practice that comes less easily to me is realizing that whenever I have judgment about someone else it says something about me…